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How To Stand Up For Yourself | Learning To Say "NO!"

18889 ratings | 517939 views
My Website: http://www.iamalpham.com My Services and Products: http://www.aaronmarino.com Best Hair Product: http://www.peteandpedro.com Tiege Hanley Skin Care: http://www.tiege.com All promotion and advertising inquiries: [email protected] Alpha M. App: http://www.alphamapp.com/ Best Hair Product: http://www.peteandpedro.com Best Grooming Tool: http://amzn.to/1YrOnCJ Free Hairstyle E-Book: http://http://www.iamalpham.com/ezine Pete & Pedro: http://www.peteandpedro.com FaceBook: https://www.facebook.com/IAmAlphaM Twitter: https://twitter.com/IAmAlphaM My Businesses: Alpha M. Consulting: http://www.aaronmarino.com Alpha M. YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/AlphaMconsulting i am alpha m: http://www.iamalpham.com Pete & Pedro: http://www.peteandpedro.com Squirrel Lab: http://www.squirrellab.com MENfluential Media: http://www.menfluential.com StyleCon: http://www.mensstylecon.com Tiege Hanley: http://www.Tiege.com Alpha comes from a broken home. His mom met and married a few dudes along the way, which one of which was an asshole and emotionally abusive. Alpha only wanted security and learned to just 'take it' to not rock the boat. His mother divorced him when Alpha went to college. The damage was done, and Alpha didn't know how to stand up for himself until he got some therapy. In this video men's style, grooming, fitness and lifestyle expert, Aaron Marino of http://www.iamalpham.com , http://www.AaronMarino.com , and http://www.peteandpedro.com discusses how to say 'no'. We Teach People How to Treat Us We teach people how to treat us- this notion was ground-breaking to Alpha. He realized that by not standing up for himself, he taught people how to treat him. He gives examples. We also have a hard time if we stand up for ourselves because we are scared of the repercussion(s). In Alpha's early 20s, he realized he had a problem standing up for himself. Going to a therapist was one of the best decisions he ever made. Unfortunately, he realized that he had to stand up for himself or else get out of those environments. Alpha got anxiety even THINKING about standing up for himself. Decision to Leave or Stand Up for Yourself When making a decision to stand up for yourself, you could potentially lose friends, a career, a significant other / spouse. The alternative is being eaten alive inside. When Alpha made his decision to leave, he realized he needed to change and start asserting himself. The more you practice standing up for yourself, the easier it's gets. Another upside is that toxic relationships go away. They were comfortable putting you down, and they will find someone else that is a push-over. Confidence and Responsibility Standing up for yourself boils down to developing confidence and knowing you are amazing. No one should put you down or treat you poorly. You need to realize that you have to take care of yourself and that you are responsible for your happiness & success. Life is too short to not feel good about who you are or the people you're around. The ability to say 'no' is a skill you can develop. It feels amazing and you are worth it.
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Text Comments (1258)
shweta kesari (3 days ago)
I have seen soo many videos about how to deal with these toxic people...they always say..just walk away...make distance...etc..which is really wierd..by letting people berate u all the time will finish ur self worth...this is the first video which is really practical..this is what we must do to deal such people and dont become their victioms...great sir
Tyler Sykes (19 days ago)
I came on here specifically for this video. Exactly what I needed to hear. Thanks Alpha!!
Leeman (20 days ago)
I have 2 kids on child support.....1month away from the first one coming off my ex in laws want me to contribute to college....im broke....they are wealthy.......i told them months ago i cannot pay for college ........
Yusuf Dadkhah (26 days ago)
what i am taking from this is if if you get insulted you can say i don't deserved to be put down will you plase treat me with proper respect and if you get insulted you can say i don't deserved to be treated like shit will you start treating me like a normal human being regardless of why you are insulting me
Dre Eggen (1 month ago)
This dude is Fucking awesome. Straight up fucking Awesome!!!!!
PEAK MENTALITY (1 month ago)
To dive deeper into the self image part, I would recommend reading AS A MAN THINKETH by James Allen. It's a very insightful book and will completely change the way you view everyday life
hats2012 (1 month ago)
Goddamn did I need this today, you made a fork in the road for me today alpha, thank you
Andres Macin Mendez (1 month ago)
My story
Shawn Defeudis (1 month ago)
I lived in a nice place with security....convert them all.
Shawn Defeudis (1 month ago)
Be our guest not our pest. Welcomed Matt..not welcome matt. Kindness not weakness. ? Hard as a raisin.
Miss Sha (1 month ago)
I needed this Thanks
Danymite hazard (1 month ago)
Thanks Alpha you produce the best content.
Lily's World (1 month ago)
Thank god. This really helped me. My friends are OMG they are so mean sometimes. And they think I can't defend myself because I never said no to them.
Maksim3l (1 month ago)
To be honest This same thing happened to me except not at home but a bad class. I was a special type of pushover that didn't even tell her parents for the fear of my mom going to school, because it only made things worse in the long run. So up until last week, I haven't told anyone in the world what was happening, but I got closure last week. I was completely alone in one class period because my whole class except me forgot about it. And me and the teacher started to talk and we ended up on the topic of "why was I so quiet in class" so everything spilt out. I have to say that in itself was therapy because while my brain was strong and did it's best to protect me from the harm, my soul couldn't handle it. So I almost cried of relief because I was "set free" from that torture (I was luckily not physically abused, if it would have gone that far I'd probably retaliate because that's where I draw the line), I've only got 39 work days until graduation, can't wait for college! Gonna be a computer engineer even If I'm a girl! Anyway, thank you for reading this, have a nice day!
Jameson Simpkins (1 month ago)
Ty ty ty
Cillian Giblin (1 month ago)
There was guys today at school and they were bullying me can u make a video on that plz
FortNikitaBullion (1 month ago)
I wish I had the opportunity TO say no.  When people rob me blind by the time I think about saying no they're gone.
Lessons In Life (1 month ago)
Another skill of high achievers is the art of saying no. If you say yes to something that isn’t important, that’s unessential, you’re saying no to something that is important, something that could be advancing you towards your goal. ;) I read book about this
ROD VAN (2 months ago)
Thank you will do!
NNazir TV (2 months ago)
You're one of best Aaron! Teach to make vdos like u :)
Live you now (2 months ago)
Yes yes. I’ve dealt with this a lot and have made a lot of improvement. Emotional abuse can destroy your self esteem and boundaries. You have to build up the self love and fix your boundaries and boost your confidence. Nobody can hurt you only if you let them
Ashish Negi (2 months ago)
I'll stand up for myself ....thanks alpha..you rocks
RUB BRG (2 months ago)
You're a life saver, thanks!
Jason Driver (2 months ago)
Working on it. Not there yet. I am happy to just work and be left alone, but I get picked on by management. So hard to stand up for myself. Feel so powerless and vulnerable. Just keep taking it and it builds and eats me inside. Sometimes led to depression, often I eat too much comfort food or drink too much "to cope with the day", and sometimes lost sleep. Gone through and going through it all. And still, I cant stand up for myself to my bosses. Working on it. Not there yet.
ZACK (2 months ago)
Sotiris Antoniades (2 months ago)
Yes but when u are in job and they have one guy give u orders and for the most stupid things what u will do u will say to him do it by urself? U will lose ur job..
Ashraf Hosny (2 months ago)
I love you alpha ❤️❤️❤️
Danica Snyder (3 months ago)
This mean a lot to me thx
Guadalupe Lomeli (3 months ago)
I feel you
Joe 3 (3 months ago)
I’m not a male but it is also important for me. Thanks for the vid!
Liu Dave (3 months ago)
It's interesting that I see this video today; today it was the first time I decided to stand up for myself when talking to my ex-girlfd, i have always been a push over in the relationship, and when speaking to her, she wouldn't be like passively aggressive, but simply being plainly aggressive, even we have broke up more than an year ago. So today I decided it is enough, and it is not ok to treat me like that, I stook up for myself and draw the boundary. It feels so good and relieved I gotta say, Guys, rmb: don't think that you can take all the blame and negativity in the world and definitely dont think that by simply remain silent, things will just go away, It won't, your negative feeling will just grow bigger and bigger if you choose to bury it instead of confronting it. It is our emotional responsibility to stand up for ourselves, if you are not responsible for yourselves emotionally, you cannot expect people to be relying on you emotionally as well. Always take good care of yourself before caring the others
Clément Szymkowiak (3 months ago)
Thank you alpha.
Neet Rohane (3 months ago)
It'sASwordElite (3 months ago)
Today, I just parked my father's truck in a parking lot and there was this car next to me. I was waiting for my dad when a white blonde bitch came out of the restaurant and she just stood there. I saw her and she gave me a rude stare. She said, "Um... I don't know how I'm gonna get into my car" and I was immediately pressured to do something about it. Women, please don't pick on us men, we are just as delicate as you are. My father asked me what happened and I told him. He said, "You should've told her to fuck off and learn how to park." I wish I had a backbone like him. But after seeing a video like this, I am now inspired to say NO. I will not be the push over I've been for years! It's not gonna be easy though. Wish me luck, and thanks for these awesome words!
Benjamin Cutler (3 months ago)
Thank You so much for making this video (and all you other ones) I've been subscribed to your channel for several months after searching on youtube for confidence advice. Your story of family dysfunction and emotional attacks was very relatable and now i find myself at the begining of my 20s trying to build the skills to stand up for myself. Your channel is one of the biggest things assisting in my personal growth. Please keep up the good work and quality content!
sagalinnea (3 months ago)
Thank u!! This helped me because I have always had troubles saying no to ppl!! I had this really good friend and she told everything and I told her everything but one thing... My opinions! Later when we went to seventh grade an other girl got into our little friend group. She was really nice and all but I realized early on they would ALWAYS chose each other over me! They started insult me, for them it was just joking around. For me this really hurt! I’ve had a rough past with friendships. When I was younger I was the loner. Then we moved and I started first grade. I thought I finally had a friend... She just told lies about me, so that ‘friendship’ ended. I started to get to know an other girl from a different class in the end of the year. We got really close... Guess what?! I find out we are moving!! Which means I have to switch schools!!! I started at a new school... There was this really nice girl in my class and we got to now each other really well... Then she finds out she has to move and that she won’t be coming back! After that it was a bit hard to find friends and finally in sixth grade I finally found a friend. She wasn’t in my class but it didn’t bother us. We did pretty much everything together and that brings us to seventh grade. We were friends but I realized she was making comments about me being really short and she wasn’t that tall either so it really bothered me. Then the other girl started to do the same thing. I was scared to stand up for myself because I did it once and they laughed! That’s were I exuded I will be with other girls from my class and it was really nice being with them. Of course my old friends asked if I was mad at them I said “no”. I was scared to tell them the truth and never did. They asked why I was ignoring them. I said “ I’m not ignoring u I’m just really tired”. Now why did I say that? If would have said that I’ve just been some other friends, they would’ve said “ wow I didn’t know u had other friends” and laugh. Well the girl I was friends with first always said “no one cares” if I was trying to say something. Well I just couldn’t say that they were hurting me. I still think she should have known better because she changed class because she was bullied and well it just hurts. I still haven’t gotten over it. It’s like when take a peace of paper and make it into a ball and u open the ball the paper has marks left and the paper will never be the same again. If you’ve made it this far then thanks for reading and I hope that u have friends that care for u.❤️
Mr Greening (3 months ago)
Great video man, but how do we find our confidence, how do we develop the ability to say no? Could you tell us how you did it, Alpha? Because frankly I’m tired of being walked over by everyone, of being run ragged because at work I’m doing my job and then get asked to add a million and one more things to my workload and I can’t say no. One of the other nurses on my ward has even said I’m going to burn out unless I become assertive, stand up for myself and start saying no. But it’s just not that easy. I’ve always tried to keep everyone happy, to be a people pleaser, but it’s now at the cost of my happiness and sanity, and I can’t have that. So I’d appreciate any help and advice you can give me man. Thanks bro, keep up the amazing vids and take care!
Ibrahim Skandarani (3 months ago)
Thank you, Alpha m. Thank you for the video... just watching it once restored my confidence and established my ability to assert myself in a situation what was making me a pushover. Perhaps one day I will share my story (privately of course) with you, and share how your video changed my life during a critical moment of my life. Thank you abundantly.
Red ree (3 months ago)
I see something on ur eye
S Turnbull (3 months ago)
Wow, I didn’t realise how much I needed this video until I saw it
Andre (3 months ago)
Great video ! Thank you
Shane Shrimp (4 months ago)
'one of these dudes was.. how do i put it ? ASSHOLE ! " Funny shit .
Debra Nichols (4 months ago)
King Leo (4 months ago)
Can i tell a girl that constantly makes fun of me to fuck off...like honestly i wanna say Fuck off but i dont wanna ruin chances with the other girls in my class
VIERA _1 (4 months ago)
Person : Hey man can you do ___ for me? Me : Look man I always do your job so just do it yourself Person : Why not? Me : Because I don’t want to do your job Person : But you don’t have anything else to do at your free time Me : Uhhhh
John Fogarty (4 months ago)
Didn't expect such a real video thanks bro :)
Misbah (4 months ago)
You are gnizama put it on the mirror ✓
Che Ellis (4 months ago)
Thanks man. I needed to hear that. Exactly in that way.
Mr.sandman Red (4 months ago)
god damn i love your suits '
Christopher Bozinovich (4 months ago)
My dad was never in the picture. My mom had to play both roles and raised me by herself. I have two little brothers. I've actually been in the same position. My mom is a saint. She put up with a lot of shit from me. I used to never stand up to anyone and never stand up for myself.
Mr GraveyMixer (5 months ago)
This is pretty much me
Tegan WR (5 months ago)
Thank you for sharing!!!!!
Mubashir E Jawad (5 months ago)
You are an amazing alpha
Kyle Ryan (5 months ago)
Needed that thanks I'm no man right now
Trevin Hoskins (6 months ago)
I related to your channel so much and thank you for what you are doing.
Kayden Downey (6 months ago)
This video really stood out to me Alpha.. I don’t usually comment on your videos but this one really had an awesome impact on me. Thank you for everything you do.
smileynybs (6 months ago)
It sad that I have to watch these videos 😂
ranbir singh (6 months ago)
A big hand for you Buddy
Mr GraveyMixer (6 months ago)
Thank u so much for this video man I’m pretty much going through the same thing being too nice
Rabia Bashir (6 months ago)
Dondon Torrano (7 months ago)
My number 1 favorite awesome youtuber☝ 👉😎you the man alpha.. From philippines.. 😊
hi youtube (7 months ago)
Thanks for sharing💙
Yasmine Mimine (7 months ago)
We teach people how to treat us . But if they mistreat us we are responsible too bcz we didn't stand up for our selves .so don't allow them to treat you badly ,don't you ever give them the opportunity.
Fisk (7 months ago)
30 years old and watching your videos have made me thinknig and making me change for the better. Knowing yourself and your selfworth even loving yourself is super important and it makes imo your quality of life 100 times better. Something i started to do not too long ago, starting to write down what i didn't like about myself and i took one thing from the list and i started to change it. For ex, i was the biggest i've ever been so i put a goal up, i want to look good (in my eyes) in clothing so 7 months in now i've been working out and finally i can move on to "i want to look good without a shirt". Just this made me feel like i was on the top of the world and with this boost in self confidence i started to be honest with people and saying "no" when they treat me in a way i don't feel i like or deserve. Takes practice but here i am, 30 years and feeling better than ever and loving myself. So thanks Alpha for the many videos and kicks in the butt. You are a part of why i'm here today.
XlOwGhostwO IX (7 months ago)
Thanks for the help👻
David Calado (7 months ago)
I also come from an abusive environment and little time ago I figured out I had the same issue, not standing for myself. Not speaking up, because all my life I was told to shut up, from my familly. Thank you so much for the advices and thank you for every last word you use on your videos!
Nicholas Emildas (7 months ago)
Dude this is prolly one of your most genuine videos
Get fucked kid Jks (7 months ago)
Gold men necklace
Richy K. (7 months ago)
You are right, its better for people to walk away out of life if they disagree with you, then to live a life of cowardness and instability
Majeed Manchi (8 months ago)
wow wow! this is so helpful for me. tnq. i was felt same like u, now im tryng to get comfrtble myself
Daniel Rivera (8 months ago)
What if it’s a family member in your house? I’ve already left my job (I used to work with them) I would get treated like crap at work and at home. I haven’t talked to them at home since I left my job. In the past I apologized to them and they apologized back and said they were gonna try to change but not even a week went by and they were back to their old narcissistic habit. 😕 what can I do should I go to therapy? Or just wait till I move out? Your input would be nice alpha great video. I’m sorry to hear you went through that...I never would have guessed you went through that 😕
It's Dawson (8 months ago)
Spot on mate!!! Rule #1 in life, stand up for yourself and remember you are not made of glass.
Mishka W (8 months ago)
I have a similar backstory with a verbally abusive stepdad and just taking the abuse to keep the peace. It really bled over into most of my relationships. I do believe that anyone you lose due to standing up for yourself was only in your life to use you anyway not be a true friend. It’s very hard to break out of silence but worth it and necessary.
Garrick Yu (8 months ago)
Great video I seriously doubt anyone is worse than me in my early 20s I worked a job and was constantly getting harassed by my supervisor every time he’d come I’d go into shock I’d keep practicing that I’d confront him but it just wouldn’t come out it was fear of making a scene that held me back I constantly live in an anxious state ever since but I believe your channel can help me bring my confidence back thanks again for sharing
Nadia M (8 months ago)
Why just “gentlemen”? As a woman I also found this to be very helpful and informative. Im needing to find my voice, stand up for myself and assert myself in both personal and professional relations. Women and men both suffer alike from this is all I’m saying.
Mike Burke (8 months ago)
Cool Beans. I get this. Growing up in LA and having tons of friends is actually not a good thing,
Sunny Gujjar (8 months ago)
Its awesome
Natasha Steele (8 months ago)
Your great love your videos can relate i have this problem at work people pick on me because am a nice person who says yes at time even when i wanna say no but get scared so go along with it and deep down i wanna not go back to work so I then would lose my job our walk out i got bullied when younger and it has efforted my life and my choices my last job i was a carer but some people wasn't very nice to me i stound up for myself sometimes but not enough i got bad anxiety and am trying to find my inner voice of not being scared to be me as i dont wanna live in fear anymore and hold my ground not to be pushed around anymore and to finally hold a job down but love ur videos very inspiring
Daniel McKinney (9 months ago)
Never give up trying stop complaining
Mike Burke (9 months ago)
Very very good.
skater8471 (9 months ago)
Gives no tactics or examples of situations where you should stand up for yourself. Not convinced that he's still not a push over. Thumbs down.
Thicc Spidey (9 months ago)
Fuck this hit home. Thanks for this vid! I needed it
Mounir H. (9 months ago)
I'm glad I found you.
John Covington (9 months ago)
Jesus cares about you and Jesus Can Chang you life
New York 516 (9 months ago)
Where's the help? You just talk about you.
Joe M (10 months ago)
dope video bro something I'm learning now lol
Peter Parker (10 months ago)
Thank you Alpha ! ❤
itzmeh doge ppl (10 months ago)
Thanks man my mom and dad hit me and I was standing up the past few weeks to my mom
JOsef Odin (10 months ago)
Learning To Say that "N" WORD!!
Elizabeth Rose McInerney (10 months ago)
100% helpful! Not only that but I feel like this guy really gets it!? Like he understands.. It's so important to stand up for ourselves! Self love ❤️ ☮️
Domingo Tromo (11 months ago)
Thank you! Any book you suggest?
abhinav jha (11 months ago)
91 creepy dislikes
King Antonio (11 months ago)
Man, than you!
Moston Sakeni (11 months ago)
Powerful! Thank you sir
Zhavia Nox (11 months ago)
You are amazing, and you really have helped me in life.
AngeliqueE :3 (11 months ago)
I wish I could become like you
Franck Extra (11 months ago)
You know Alpha, I had something similar like this a few years ago in high school: my best friend got some new female friends that he's still friends with. At the beginning they were pretty nice to the both of us, but after a year they kinda started to push me over (blowing off my plans, ignoring me, etc.) almost at the cost of my friendship with my bro. So I decided to just ignore them too, and things have been pretty blooming since.
Kafi Mohsiul (11 months ago)
how do I stand up for myself when somebody is somehow tricking me into believe that its all my fault.after that I just don't have anything to say even though I know I'm the one who has been abused.
Tamara Bitter (11 months ago)
Yes its so hard to say no but you are your own person and you always have the right to say no all the time like hell no or fuck no 😂👍
Kevin Varghese (11 months ago)
Been following you for years now. You're really great--I've learned a lot from you. Thank you so much for your videos and please keep coming out with great content.

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