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If I had to guess, over 7928753 women have now asked me what to do when a guy ghosts you.
Wait...You haven’t heard of ghosting?
Ghosting is when a guy you’ve been dating suddenly disappears: no messages, no phone calls, no tearful goodbye – just gone forever, never to be seen or heard from again.
Sounds brutal? It is.
I’ve heard many harrowing stories from recovering “Ghostees” and trust me, it’s not a pretty sight.
Questions I hear all the time from these women include:
– What is wrong with men?
– How do I get closure?
– Are all guys secretly psychopaths?
– Seriously, what is WRONG with men??
In this week’s blog video, for the first time, I’m going to tell you my essential rules for responding to a guy if and WHEN you get ghosted (though here’s hoping you never do).
It’s not an easy situation, and this might not be the easiest advice to take, but trust me, it’s something you need to hear.
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We went from seeing each other every day ( I was partially living with him at that point) to 0. First I thought " ok he is going through a lot (he really was) and maybe you have been too overprotective (I think I was) and too enthusiastic, not really on his level... sooo give him some time to reply/ take action " but after 2.5 weeks of non-existing communication I figured that it must be more than depression or confusion. Ghosting feels like someone put a dirty spoon in your tea when you weren't looking and now everything is hazy, that you can't even see the spoon or drink the tea. What saddens me is he used to tell me that I can live with him because he knew I had a difficult living situation. I never accepted his offer but it always felt soothing at times of ungroundedness. Now, I moved out within these 2 weeks and he doesn't even know. It's hard not to remember the feeling of comfort and security his words gave me back then. It's also hard to pack when you know your stuff isn't entirely complete because part of it is still at his place. I told him that I would come by yesterday to pick up my stuff ..he didn't reply. I thought "what an immature coward". Before arriving at his place I quickly went through multiple scenarios of how this final interaction would go; I had no idea but I knew we were definitely over. Yet part of me really longed for some closure, any explanation was still better than what was about to happen. He opened the door, acted surprised and told me he is going to the gym, I asked "can it wait 10 min?" and he gave me the key instead and told me that I can slide the key underneath the door once I'm done. Than what? He left. It felt like a slap. I felt so disrespected and mad but I didn't hold him back.
I never really did any self-blaming, but If I'm honest with you than yes, I never stopped caring entirely. I really didn't want to admit that to anyone including myself because it felt like giving him undeserved power over me. I wanted to be all like " whatever I deserve way better so fuck him" but transitioning to that mindset can take time, and now I accepted that it's ok. Yesterday, was painful but now that I have all my stuff together at least it doesn't feel like an open ending anymore.
I've have been the ghost at least 4 times and I have been stood -up and ghosted. Yes, it hurts like hell to be on the receiving end of that behavior. I'm in the process of healing from the last person who ghosted on me. Now, I'd like to address my ghosting behavior. First, I didn't believe that my presence mattered that much. Essentially, I did not know that I had the ability to hurt someone's feelings that bad. Also, I learned in childhood, it's not nice to hurt people's feelings. I brought that lesson into my adult relationships which resulted in a very sweet fun person even if I was unhappy. Ghosting was never about the lack of courage, it was about trying to spare this person the truth. It has taken me many years to learn that people want to hear my truth--for better or worse. During my acts of ghosting , I honestly believed that I was committing an act of kindness by spearing that person from my unkind words, thoughts and opinions. The downside is that I literally have a reputation in my neighborhood for ghosting. That sucks. Now, I"m learning to be more honest... it ain't easy for me but based on your comments here, I will continue to speak from a place of honesty.
Matthew, you started out saying that we psychoanalyze this too much and then gave us a list of critical questions by which to analyze ourselves too much. I want to know how to stop asking those questions and lovingly leave myself alone.
Lol, “I ain’t afraid of no ghost.“
The only way to avoid being ghosted is to never initiate contact. If a man texts you then he's interested. If you haven't heard from him then he's not interested. Chasing is futile. Never text first and you'll never be ghosted. Simple.
I needed this. Got ghosted yesterday. When I read the last conversation, he blamed me for sending so less while he is answering so slow. Sure, it is almost exams for him so I leave him alone. Now he dont look at my fb messages but I see him online frequently. My last text was today in the morning. Im considering whether to text one last time to explain myself since I think, he thought I wasnt interested in him.... miscommunication..I want to set it straight. But im doubting .. :( it hurts. My first time
I don’t agree. Everything needs closure.
I won’t calm down until I talk to this piece of shit and make him confess why did he do that.
By ignoring we basically give them what they want, I.e. space and no responsibility for their actions.
Which encourages them to do the same to the next girl. I want to make it clear that acting like this is wrong and make him regret about it. I don’t really care about getting him back, though.
Honestly, I don’t even want to date anymore.
I have invested too much time and effort into a relationship and I still got ghosted.
It doesn’t make sense.
I don’t want to go through this one more time.
It was like two different people. One person cared about me and was eager to be with me, and another one just came, blocked me on social media, blocked my phone number and called it a day.
The thing is he ghosted me a day before another one of our dates was set. We were seeing each other for three weeks. This time, we decided for time and place, so I went there and waited for two fucking hours. I even bought a collar charm for his dog, because we were talking about his dog a day prior. I felt like an idiot. I felt humiliated.
This is happening to me now with a guy I've been talking to for a year. We both said we like each other and slept together then poof. He disappeared. I did my part to show I cared but it's clear he does not. Guess all he wanted from me was to get into my pants. Am I surprised? Not one bit. He just reminded me why I strongly dislike dating (I told him this the day we met too) and I'm not ever going back to it. I was gonna give it one more try with this guy but thanks to this, I am a confirmed bachelorette. I'm not too badly beaten up over it but it does leave a sting. I dated a guy before this one and he did the exact same thing. I was eventually able to stand up to my ex after he ghosted me for 2 years. I felt so amazing after that. So do not be afraid to stand up for yourself and call people out on their shitty behavior if your partner is indeed ghosting you. You'll feel much better and it will help you move on.
I'm a guy and i'm watching this. Been ghosted by someone that i truly clicked and love. No explanation, nothing. I know where exactly it went wrong and how i can learn and not doing the same mistake in the next person i date. Stop hoping the person come back, you must kill off the hope, stop fantasizing how awesome your future would be with that person. Someone out there wants to know you and talk to you, deliver you the love that you deserve.
If you don't love yourself right, you can never love someone else right.
When the ghoster tries to reconcile as a friend.. be friends for awhile and ghost them back for the same amount of time they ghosted you, see how they like it..... I am gonna do this back to a 'girlfriend' who ghosted me for 3 yrs. we met at age 15, and now are knowing each other over 40 yrs...... tit for tat..
..some like to dish it out but cannot take it back....
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Is it so wrong to ask someone who's ghosting you just to clarify that you're correct in the assumption that they aren't interested in seeing you again? Not asking for a why, but just requesting the clear cut off? I think this might at least help set a pattern for people to learn that it's not that hard and not that big of a deal to say 'we aren't the right fit but best of luck!' I would take that over ghosting any day.
Happened to me a few weeks ago. Met this guy, saw eachother for a couple of months- I really liked him, I even saw myself loving him. I just came out of a similar situation back in November-April which I told him about. We decided not to put a title on our relationship because I was moving back for school which is 5 hours away. We made plans to see eachother on my birthday, and a week before he completely disappeared. He didn't block me on anything, just never responded to my calls or texts, never looked at my snap/ig stories, I had sent two snaps to him a few days before it happened, also unopened. Luckily, I had the ability to make new plans for my birthday but it wasn't the same. I was and still am heartbroken. I just turned 21, and I know how young that is, but I am really starting to wonder if theres anyone out there for me. I thought it was him. I wonder what goes through the minds of people who have the ability to do this..To hurt someone so much emotionally. I hate cliched stereotype of being another girl with a broken heart but people and relationships like this do have a strong effect on future relationships and on my self esteem.
I have been ghosted after being with someone for almost a year. It seem like I had no closure and had to get answers. So after sending emails and I now realize it was a game to him , and he has moved on. I’m finally picking up the pieces and moving on myself , this just happen in July still new for me . Thanks for the advise makes tons of sense.
When someone ghosts another, it’s because they can’t own up to their emotions. They can’t come clean about what is wrong. Stop being a coward and have the difficult conversations you big babies! Ghosting someone is cruelty!
This just happened to me out of the blue after a 5 month relationship. It's the most painful thing I've been through. We didn't even have an argument, it's a very cruel and heartless way to end a relationship (yes, we were properly going out, and spend nearly every day together before this happened).
If you've been ghosted alot there is a high chance that its *your* fault. No body puts himself through the agony of telling someone why it does not work with a person who will probably go mental or has an exhausting or even toxic personalty. Seriously why would you want to put up with that shit if the person already annoyed you to death. When you have made the final decision that its not worth it: Its the nice persons way of saying "Fuck you".
I mean look at the women complaining about it here. Judging by the youtube profile I would say its spot on..
Me and, I guess now ex, boyfriend went to a zoo together,i was so happy and he kinda seemed happy i think, he cried when I had to leave though i just wanted to hug him forever, and then like not even a whole 2 months later he ghosted me, I don't know what happened and for 19 days every single day I asked him where he went hoping he'd come back but he didn't and still hasn't, I had a dream last night that he said "Im lonely, please take me back" and in my dream I felt the same heart racing - hot faced thing that i do when i talk to him, and when I woke up I cried so hard when I realized it was just a dream
I don't know what happened in that >2 months that made him do that
i just want him back
Toss Kitten So sad that happened to you. I was recently ghosted and felt horrible about myself thinking that I wasn’t enough. But it’s his problem and his issues. You can still care for him, but move on at the same time. He wasn’t honest with you and he didn’t care. You’ll find someone a thousand times better you’ll see!
If a guy ghosts me, that mf can stay ' dead! Went out on several dates w/ a guy, we talked regularly...He goes out of town for 4 days and dropped contact with me even once he returned home. I was done!
Men ghosted thrice on me in my entire life and in two cases - it was not about other women. It's often wrong to assume they are seeing other ppl. Just let them go, give them their space and time, be thankful for the great time you had with them and for the things you learned from them and focus on your goals. First bf had health problems (he fell off the bike and knocked his front teeth) and the second guy was super busy finishing his supermarket construction project (he was an architect). Both guys eventually showed up in a year and tried to restore the relationships with me. I was not angry or pissed with them, bcz I chose to be thankful. I didn't accept them back bcz I was waaaay over them by that point, but I stayed friends with both of them. I was ghosted for the third time just a month ago ))) But, hey, I'm thankful to him for waking up my sexuality and for showing me my beauty. I wish him well and I let him goooooo.......;)
This is soo devastating. I know this comment is long but I feel like this is a good place for opinions from people who have experienced it too. I was ghosted a bit over a week ago by someone I had met on Tinder and known for two months and had been exclusive with for only about two weeks. I’ve been watching and reading about the red flags leading up to ghosting and I honestly can’t think of any clear ones in my situation (esp. for someone found on an online dating website). I understand that maybe this sounds fast to be exclusive, but the pacing still felt right. He didn’t invite me to his house and meet his parents till after a month. Our first couple dates he wasn’t showering me with over-the-top compliments and when he did compliment me they felt very genuine and unique (not just about looks). Didn’t even kiss me on the first date, was very chivalrous and we met and left with a hug. Our relationship wasn’t heavily digital, we did spend a lot of quality time together after we were out of work in the evenings but it wasn’t every day and I made sure to uphold my standards which were very reasonable. His actions matched his words; we were very intellectually compatible and loved sharing / talking about podcasts and human nature (which makes him ghosting even more ironic). He also tried to get to know me / would ask personal questions. What confuses me the most is that he initiated exclusivity and introduced me to his family and friends. His family liked me and I liked them. He met my family too and was very well received. If he was planning on ghosting the whole time, why would I meet those important to him and why would he initiate being exclusive? He ghosted me right after my trip to Canada; was asking when I’d be back and then the Monday I was back asked if I was free after work to meet up (which was typical). I responded saying that I was free and then POOF ghosted. Didn’t panic at first and left him a voicemail the next day saying I had souvenirs for him and his family from Canada. No response and that’s when I realized I had been ghosted. A week later just sent him a text saying how it made me feel and that I deserved honesty and that was that. The last time I saw him was at his friend’s party so maybe his friends influenced him somehow (even though he followed up saying he had fun with me and that I did great at the party meeting his friends). Or maybe bc I said I wasn’t ready to have sex with him but then again that was right around when we first became exclusive and he seemed very understanding and respectful about that. Coulda bounced then. We still had great physical chemistry / did other stuff so this is just so confusing. I know I shouldn’t waste any more mental energy on this and that I deserve better, but it’s so hard not to wonder when you’ve got nothing to work with and when you’ve got a case that doesn’t seem to match the typical ghosting scenario. I appreciate any thoughts!
What if the person who ghosted you isn't a new bf you've been dating for weeks/months. What if your ghoster is 5 year relationship bf who has been nothing but sweet to you all these years and comes back like half a year later to tell you that he's been dealing with the hardest times of his life with his family and is sorry for not telling me before hand. Then what!
I know why he's ghosting me plain and simple he told me to give him a few weeks to a month to take care of what you need to take care of meaning putting his girlfriend all his ex-girlfriend supposably into a house because they were living in a tent and he felt bad and now that this time is coming the seriousness of it his commitment time he took what he could for me I was a side chick and I wasn't playing the game and now he's in a mature enough to tell me why plain and simple it took me a few videos to watch it wondering what I could have done should I give him more time crap no I'm a whole dish not a side dish and I'm really contemplating if I should tell his girlfriend we were together cuz she did text me heartbroken ask him if we were together and I said no because he asked me to I don't know if I should let her know that he cheating thinks of her as a cash cow or just leave it be....
Jessica Woodmus If I was the original girlfriend I would want to know. He will do this again to her and she will be hurt even more if she finds out you didn’t tell her about you and him. Tell her the truth and then move on. Just make sure neither one of them knows where you live or work. Best of luck.
If you jump into an intimate relationship too soon (ie, before he is totally committed to you & not just trying to shag you lol) and then Mr. Wonderful ghosts you, you feel so betrayed, and rightly so.
Respect yourself more highly. Honor yourself more highly. As another poster said, believe his actions, not his blah blah blah.
Ok..Sooo what's the difference between " Ghosting " a person and going
" No Contact " 😶 with a manipulator..??
Absolutely nothing..there isn't a difference really..only that one behaviour is to manipulate..and the other is to protect.
Back in time..it's been labelled as..people who play" Mind Games " and people who are.." Ego Maniac's. "
I believe the only solution to the problem is to tell the manipulator that you wiill not have or initiate any form of contact whatsoever with them.. and if they proceed to force any form of contact upon you..then they were formerly forewarned..and that's all thats needed to be said..no threats..no promises..just firm boundaries and willpower to see it through no matter what.
Let simulates a situation .if a guy is an engineer, he has been attracted by your phone and e-mail for a long long time . Maybe two years for more.But he isn’t saying directly like “ I love you.Can you be my girlfriend?”
What do you think?What do you do?if you’re a long term friend and haden’t seen each other for a year . And finger out one day,you don’t really know this guy very much.
But You really like him.
Please Make This Topic Video for me.
Thank you very much
So I was talking to this guy for two months and yesterday he just blocked me for no goddamn reason. I didn't like him that much but for some reasons I started crying and I even cried today seems like I just can't help this crying thing. I just wanted to let this out to someone so I am commenting here.
I just hate being messed about. How hard is it to just say 'I've changed my mind' and maybe even stay friends? Rejection hurts either way but ignoring someone is cowardly. I know I didn't do anything wrong. It's just hard to get over rejection, but I'm trying.
So I guess,it's not accidental why I came here,maybe to make me realized and just move on and forget it..since its been two weeks hes offline,never bothered to get online and read my messages and texback.he didn't call! ,We just texting.he didn't bothered to message back when he's online for about 15 minutes or 10 minutes.now,,he's been offline for two weeks and more.without even telling me why,just gone ..so suck.i guess,this is final warning ..he's not really in love ..he's just I don't know what to call him now.since we can't judge people you met online .especially he's a busy doctor ..maybe
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