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If I had to guess, over 7928753 women have now asked me what to do when a guy ghosts you.
Wait...You haven’t heard of ghosting?
Ghosting is when a guy you’ve been dating suddenly disappears: no messages, no phone calls, no tearful goodbye – just gone forever, never to be seen or heard from again.
Sounds brutal? It is.
I’ve heard many harrowing stories from recovering “Ghostees” and trust me, it’s not a pretty sight.
Questions I hear all the time from these women include:
– What is wrong with men?
– How do I get closure?
– Are all guys secretly psychopaths?
– Seriously, what is WRONG with men??
In this week’s blog video, for the first time, I’m going to tell you my essential rules for responding to a guy if and WHEN you get ghosted (though here’s hoping you never do).
It’s not an easy situation, and this might not be the easiest advice to take, but trust me, it’s something you need to hear.
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I'm a guy and i'm watching this. Been ghosted by someone that i truly clicked and love. No explanation, nothing. I know where exactly it went wrong and how i can learn and not doing the same mistake in the next person i date. Stop hoping the person come back, you must kill off the hope, stop fantasizing how awesome your future would be with that person. Someone out there wants to know you and talk to you, deliver you the love that you deserve.
If you don't love yourself right, you can never love someone else right.
When the ghoster tries to reconcile as a friend.. be friends for awhile and ghost them back for the same amount of time they ghosted you, see how they like it..... I am gonna do this back to a 'girlfriend' who ghosted me for 3 yrs. we met at age 15, and now are knowing each other over 40 yrs...... tit for tat..
..some like to dish it out but cannot take it back....
freedom of speech & press USA copyrighted material
Is it so wrong to ask someone who's ghosting you just to clarify that you're correct in the assumption that they aren't interested in seeing you again? Not asking for a why, but just requesting the clear cut off? I think this might at least help set a pattern for people to learn that it's not that hard and not that big of a deal to say 'we aren't the right fit but best of luck!' I would take that over ghosting any day.
Happened to me a few weeks ago. Met this guy, saw eachother for a couple of months- I really liked him, I even saw myself loving him. I just came out of a similar situation back in November-April which I told him about. We decided not to put a title on our relationship because I was moving back for school which is 5 hours away. We made plans to see eachother on my birthday, and a week before he completely disappeared. He didn't block me on anything, just never responded to my calls or texts, never looked at my snap/ig stories, I had sent two snaps to him a few days before it happened, also unopened. Luckily, I had the ability to make new plans for my birthday but it wasn't the same. I was and still am heartbroken. I just turned 21, and I know how young that is, but I am really starting to wonder if theres anyone out there for me. I thought it was him. I wonder what goes through the minds of people who have the ability to do this..To hurt someone so much emotionally. I hate cliched stereotype of being another girl with a broken heart but people and relationships like this do have a strong effect on future relationships and on my self esteem.
I have been ghosted after being with someone for almost a year. It seem like I had no closure and had to get answers. So after sending emails and I now realize it was a game to him , and he has moved on. I’m finally picking up the pieces and moving on myself , this just happen in July still new for me . Thanks for the advise makes tons of sense.
When someone ghosts another, it’s because they can’t own up to their emotions. They can’t come clean about what is wrong. Stop being a coward and have the difficult conversations you big babies! Ghosting someone is cruelty!
This just happened to me out of the blue after a 5 month relationship. It's the most painful thing I've been through. We didn't even have an argument, it's a very cruel and heartless way to end a relationship (yes, we were properly going out, and spend nearly every day together before this happened).
If you've been ghosted alot there is a high chance that its *your* fault. No body puts himself through the agony of telling someone why it does not work with a person who will probably go mental or has an exhausting or even toxic personalty. Seriously why would you want to put up with that shit if the person already annoyed you to death. When you have made the final decision that its not worth it: Its the nice persons way of saying "Fuck you".
I mean look at the women complaining about it here. Judging by the youtube profile I would say its spot on..
Me and, I guess now ex, boyfriend went to a zoo together,i was so happy and he kinda seemed happy i think, he cried when I had to leave though i just wanted to hug him forever, and then like not even a whole 2 months later he ghosted me, I don't know what happened and for 19 days every single day I asked him where he went hoping he'd come back but he didn't and still hasn't, I had a dream last night that he said "Im lonely, please take me back" and in my dream I felt the same heart racing - hot faced thing that i do when i talk to him, and when I woke up I cried so hard when I realized it was just a dream
I don't know what happened in that >2 months that made him do that
i just want him back
Toss Kitten So sad that happened to you. I was recently ghosted and felt horrible about myself thinking that I wasn’t enough. But it’s his problem and his issues. You can still care for him, but move on at the same time. He wasn’t honest with you and he didn’t care. You’ll find someone a thousand times better you’ll see!
If a guy ghosts me, that mf can stay ' dead! Went out on several dates w/ a guy, we talked regularly...He goes out of town for 4 days and dropped contact with me even once he returned home. I was done!
Men ghosted thrice on me in my entire life and in two cases - it was not about other women. It's often wrong to assume they are seeing other ppl. Just let them go, give them their space and time, be thankful for the great time you had with them and for the things you learned from them and focus on your goals. First bf had health problems (he fell off the bike and knocked his front teeth) and the second guy was super busy finishing his supermarket construction project (he was an architect). Both guys eventually showed up in a year and tried to restore the relationships with me. I was not angry or pissed with them, bcz I chose to be thankful. I didn't accept them back bcz I was waaaay over them by that point, but I stayed friends with both of them. I was ghosted for the third time just a month ago ))) But, hey, I'm thankful to him for waking up my sexuality and for showing me my beauty. I wish him well and I let him goooooo.......;)
This is soo devastating. I know this comment is long but I feel like this is a good place for opinions from people who have experienced it too. I was ghosted a bit over a week ago by someone I had met on Tinder and known for two months and had been exclusive with for only about two weeks. I’ve been watching and reading about the red flags leading up to ghosting and I honestly can’t think of any clear ones in my situation (esp. for someone found on an online dating website). I understand that maybe this sounds fast to be exclusive, but the pacing still felt right. He didn’t invite me to his house and meet his parents till after a month. Our first couple dates he wasn’t showering me with over-the-top compliments and when he did compliment me they felt very genuine and unique (not just about looks). Didn’t even kiss me on the first date, was very chivalrous and we met and left with a hug. Our relationship wasn’t heavily digital, we did spend a lot of quality time together after we were out of work in the evenings but it wasn’t every day and I made sure to uphold my standards which were very reasonable. His actions matched his words; we were very intellectually compatible and loved sharing / talking about podcasts and human nature (which makes him ghosting even more ironic). He also tried to get to know me / would ask personal questions. What confuses me the most is that he initiated exclusivity and introduced me to his family and friends. His family liked me and I liked them. He met my family too and was very well received. If he was planning on ghosting the whole time, why would I meet those important to him and why would he initiate being exclusive? He ghosted me right after my trip to Canada; was asking when I’d be back and then the Monday I was back asked if I was free after work to meet up (which was typical). I responded saying that I was free and then POOF ghosted. Didn’t panic at first and left him a voicemail the next day saying I had souvenirs for him and his family from Canada. No response and that’s when I realized I had been ghosted. A week later just sent him a text saying how it made me feel and that I deserved honesty and that was that. The last time I saw him was at his friend’s party so maybe his friends influenced him somehow (even though he followed up saying he had fun with me and that I did great at the party meeting his friends). Or maybe bc I said I wasn’t ready to have sex with him but then again that was right around when we first became exclusive and he seemed very understanding and respectful about that. Coulda bounced then. We still had great physical chemistry / did other stuff so this is just so confusing. I know I shouldn’t waste any more mental energy on this and that I deserve better, but it’s so hard not to wonder when you’ve got nothing to work with and when you’ve got a case that doesn’t seem to match the typical ghosting scenario. I appreciate any thoughts!
What if the person who ghosted you isn't a new bf you've been dating for weeks/months. What if your ghoster is 5 year relationship bf who has been nothing but sweet to you all these years and comes back like half a year later to tell you that he's been dealing with the hardest times of his life with his family and is sorry for not telling me before hand. Then what!
I know why he's ghosting me plain and simple he told me to give him a few weeks to a month to take care of what you need to take care of meaning putting his girlfriend all his ex-girlfriend supposably into a house because they were living in a tent and he felt bad and now that this time is coming the seriousness of it his commitment time he took what he could for me I was a side chick and I wasn't playing the game and now he's in a mature enough to tell me why plain and simple it took me a few videos to watch it wondering what I could have done should I give him more time crap no I'm a whole dish not a side dish and I'm really contemplating if I should tell his girlfriend we were together cuz she did text me heartbroken ask him if we were together and I said no because he asked me to I don't know if I should let her know that he cheating thinks of her as a cash cow or just leave it be....
Jessica Woodmus If I was the original girlfriend I would want to know. He will do this again to her and she will be hurt even more if she finds out you didn’t tell her about you and him. Tell her the truth and then move on. Just make sure neither one of them knows where you live or work. Best of luck.
If you jump into an intimate relationship too soon (ie, before he is totally committed to you & not just trying to shag you lol) and then Mr. Wonderful ghosts you, you feel so betrayed, and rightly so.
Respect yourself more highly. Honor yourself more highly. As another poster said, believe his actions, not his blah blah blah.
Ok..Sooo what's the difference between " Ghosting " a person and going
" No Contact " 😶 with a manipulator..??
Absolutely nothing..there isn't a difference really..only that one behaviour is to manipulate..and the other is to protect.
Back in time..it's been labelled as..people who play" Mind Games " and people who are.." Ego Maniac's. "
I believe the only solution to the problem is to tell the manipulator that you wiill not have or initiate any form of contact whatsoever with them.. and if they proceed to force any form of contact upon you..then they were formerly forewarned..and that's all thats needed to be said..no threats..no promises..just firm boundaries and willpower to see it through no matter what.
Let simulates a situation .if a guy is an engineer, he has been attracted by your phone and e-mail for a long long time . Maybe two years for more.But he isn’t saying directly like “ I love you.Can you be my girlfriend?”
What do you think?What do you do?if you’re a long term friend and haden’t seen each other for a year . And finger out one day,you don’t really know this guy very much.
But You really like him.
Please Make This Topic Video for me.
Thank you very much
So I was talking to this guy for two months and yesterday he just blocked me for no goddamn reason. I didn't like him that much but for some reasons I started crying and I even cried today seems like I just can't help this crying thing. I just wanted to let this out to someone so I am commenting here.
I just hate being messed about. How hard is it to just say 'I've changed my mind' and maybe even stay friends? Rejection hurts either way but ignoring someone is cowardly. I know I didn't do anything wrong. It's just hard to get over rejection, but I'm trying.
So I guess,it's not accidental why I came here,maybe to make me realized and just move on and forget it..since its been two weeks hes offline,never bothered to get online and read my messages and texback.he didn't call! ,We just texting.he didn't bothered to message back when he's online for about 15 minutes or 10 minutes.now,,he's been offline for two weeks and more.without even telling me why,just gone ..so suck.i guess,this is final warning ..he's not really in love ..he's just I don't know what to call him now.since we can't judge people you met online .especially he's a busy doctor ..maybe
I don't think I did anything wrong. I don't think it's what was a mistake, it was the person's loss if they guy or girl could not handle receiving love. Sure I can improve but we should learn to focus on ourselves and just be confident.
I definitely won't ask the guy who ghosted me why. I deleted his number, thanks.
This is exactly what I’m dealing with. Met a guy online that actually lives in my tiny town. We texted for a few days then he disappeared and stopped texting. After a week I asked him to tell me what I did wrong. He messaged that he had recently got out of a relationship and was going to try it with her one more time. I said I understand it’s ok, if you end up single feel free to contact me. Fast forward like 2-3 months I message him hey saw you on a dating site not sure if it’s an old profile you didn’t delete or a new one, if you’re single now and are up for meeting let me know. He never replied. Now fast forward again to 4 days ago I get a text out of no where that says hey it’s ..... I’m single no strings attached and I would love to take you to dinner and see if we like each other in person. So basically he sent me the same text I sent him a few months ago he never replied to. I instantly replied that I would like to meet with him, I am still single and we ended up texting til 4 am. Had great conversation. Then comes weekend he was busy and then sent me text on Sunday apologizing for not texting back the day before. I responded that it’s ok I was busy also. Then he read the message and never responded. Sent a couple messages and he hasn’t opened them it’s been over 24 hours. I messaged well hope you have a good week. If you get some free time feel free to message me. What should I do? I really want to meet him and see if it could turn to something.
This is good advice! If anyone still needs closure, you can do what I do; create a short story of adventure and mayhem to fit your fancy. If you really like your story, you can write it as a book or manga! 💜
I ghosted on this guy long time ago. We were on a date for the 1st time, he started talking about butplugs , I said I will use the restroom , left from the back door of the restaurant.
Blocked him right away , to top it all he didn’t even look the same in person , might of used pictures from 10 years before lol
Being ghosted was the worst thing that ever happened in my life. If I met a guy I always make sure that I will never be ghosted because I do it first before they do it to me. I'm now afraid of getting left. What should I do?
Karma is a biotch!!! When I first started online dating, I would ghost guys all the time and think nothing of it. I knew it wasn't a nice thing to do but in my mind I felt like they would be okay because surely they're also talking to other ppl. Or at least that's how I justified it. It was like a game to me. I was always searching for something "better"... a more attractive guy, a guy with a better job, etc (all very shallow things). It wasn't until I met this really great guy. Like the kind of guy that you delete all your dating apps for and introduce to your friends! (I was dumb at the time so I did neither of those things lol). He was incredibly sweet, genuine, thoughtful, educated, and very good looking. After a couple dates, he just disappeared. At the time, I didn't realize how much of a "rare breed" he was so I didn't bother to take initiative and reach out. Also, I was talking to other guys at the time so I thought losing this one wouldn't matter. Yes, I was very childish at the time. Anyways, I sent him a text a couple months after, he replied (because he's a gentleman), but he was very short with me. I took the hint and stopped texting him because I thought that he had lost interest. I'm watching these vids now because I've been so tempted to reach out to him again but I don't want to bother him. From being on the other side of this type of situation, I know how it feels to have someone continue to contact you after you've shown no interest - take a hint right? :'( Moral of this, treat ppl how you want to be treated. I know it sounds cliche but it wouldn't hurt so bad if he would've just said why he stopped texting/calling me after our last date. Leaving me in limbo hurts more because I still think of him as the one that got away. Also, it drives me crazy thinking about why he disappeared. I didn't realize how much of a jerk I used to be until I deleted my dating apps and took time to self-reflect. Looking back, I think he felt like I was uninterested. I was one of those girls who always waited for the guy to make the first move... he always texted me first, came up with date ideas, etc. Oh well. You live, you learn, you grow! I'm not actively dating right now but hopefully I'll get it right next time around.
I was “ghosted” by someone I knew for almost 8 years. He was my best friend and we had talked about being in a relationship and I loved him more than anyone. He was there when my stepfather was abusive and I was there when his gf broke off their engagement. We had talked about moving to Florida together but he ended up not going after that disaster. People change. He cut off all our friends out of his life that reminded him of his ex. It was probably the most painful thing I’ve ever experienced, but God won’t ever fail us.
Matthew, I love this video. I've ghosted people in business because I couldn't be bothered and have been ghosted and felt really indignant! Thanks for reminding me that it happens all over our lives :)
I just got ghosted by a guy I dated for 3 months. We had even talked about how shitty ghosting was and he even said he would never do that to someone, so I have to assume he died and was replaced by an asshole.
There should be a law criminalising ghosting. It does soo much damage to women and for future relationships. Why do men not have guts these days??? Why can't they simply say I'm bored or I found someone prettier or I'm too busy these days I need to move on. This is the most damaging behaviour for a guy to have towards a woman/girl. I don't agree with you Matthew always trying to make girls think that what they r doing is wrong, for ex wondering why a guy ghosted you. You should understand how hurtful and denigrating it can be n that's it's only HUMAN that we ask questions.
After two years in a very happy relationship I was suddenly broken up with and ghosted. After 4 months of trying to “better myself” thinking I was the problem he finally admitted to sleeping with his baby mama and getting her pregnant. I’ve learned that people who ghost are usually doing shit you really don’t want to know about. My ex ended up being a piece of shit, and I deserve better than him. The tears and heartbreak suck, and we have to remember our worth. Who really wants someone that’ll ghost them anyway? Let them go on their miserable way
Hi I did that!! Deleted him. When he went quite, after he said in a text, I would rather be up close with you, would you like that? I said; oh that would be nice to meet? 😉 , with the wink Emoji, never heard from him?? Ghosted me, I knew he wasn't prepeared to meet? Why if hes on a dating site? So deleted him, after about a week, I probably did say that wrong? How would you say that? Not young 20's or something? More like 40+??
I’ve recently had one of the best months of my life - from day one me and this guy just clicked. We started off super hot and heavy and by week one he was asking if we could be exclusive . . Then he started talking about marrying me one day and having kids. He was commuting an hour and a half each night to pick me up from work! Wining and dining me every night. Then in the last 3 days he’s become a ghost. Won’t answer my calls, my text . . . I’ve offered to meet up with him instead of him coming to me and he just text back “busy” . . I asked if he wants to spend the night and just wrote back “can’t” then I asked if he wanted to meet up the following day and he wrote back “no” - like WTF happened. I’ve literally cried myself to sleep psychoanalyzing everything leading up to this event. Like what went wrong. I know you said to not do this but like . . . I feel like such a fool. All my coworkers would ohh and aww every night he would come pick me up, he’d be waiting like clockwork and they’d be like “dang you got it good” and for a while I did . . . people I don’t even know that we’ll at work would be like “you’re glowing” - my friends were saying when they seen us together they could tell he was the one for me. Now I just feel like a dumb girl who invested way too much too fast and got knocked on her ass! Sorry, had to vent it out
I get what you're saying about people ghosting in all walks of life, but the difference in a romantic setting is that, being intimate with someone emotionally, mentally and physically will inevitably lead to at least some amount of emotional bonding. To treat that person with such indifference is what is so inhuman, and so hurtful.
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