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I post new dating advice videos for you every Sunday.
If I had to guess, over 7928753 women have now asked me what to do when a guy ghosts you.
Wait...You haven’t heard of ghosting?
Ghosting is when a guy you’ve been dating suddenly disappears: no messages, no phone calls, no tearful goodbye – just gone forever, never to be seen or heard from again.
Sounds brutal? It is.
I’ve heard many harrowing stories from recovering “Ghostees” and trust me, it’s not a pretty sight.
Questions I hear all the time from these women include:
– What is wrong with men?
– How do I get closure?
– Are all guys secretly psychopaths?
– Seriously, what is WRONG with men??
In this week’s blog video, for the first time, I’m going to tell you my essential rules for responding to a guy if and WHEN you get ghosted (though here’s hoping you never do).
It’s not an easy situation, and this might not be the easiest advice to take, but trust me, it’s something you need to hear.
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When ever he eventually makes contact receive his call (ignore text) and act like everything is really well.
After he's done explaining himself, ask him to hold for 1 minute (count to 60). Then come back to the phone and tell him you have to go, you have something that you have to do...
Say ok speak soon, bye.
Then put the phone down and never call him back again. And if he tries to call you or make contact go ghost on him. Delete him...
Definitely a gradual sort of ghosting...started with one less thing he used to always do in the initial stages of being pursued. Now I know the tall tell signs. First it went from likening/hearting 80% of my fb posts and then down to 10% after the first 4-6 weeks. Then it was less tabs throughout the day. But maintaining daily contact which can be interpreted as normal. Waaaaay more emojis on the first 2 months down to very few now. And this continued just this gradual dissipation of that Initial almost desperate sort of interest that made him initially look to be kind of worried and obsessed to now, it’s minimal. I feel devalued and like an afterthought he maintains the “connection” without the feel and enthusiasm, excitement as when it was in its inception which is NORMAL to some degree but now it’s just and icky sort of taken for granted vibe I’m getting which means I must also phase myself out without confrontation because when it’s reaches this point talking will only make it worse. 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
It is better to be ghosted when you know that you have no fault,but if you being ghosted for your own fault for example no being honest about your personality from the very beginning and pretending to be something not its something else...
This guy I was best friends with for a year kept ghosting me , I went back 3 to 4 times and we would resume like nothing happened , I could not ask him why he ghosted cos he didn't accept that kind of conversation, I realized he was immature , probably scared of serious committed relationships, so I checked myself , am I okay with this immature behaviour and expecting no commitment in return ? Because u can't change him , I can only change the way I react to his immature behaviour . Ghosting is really cruel and insensitive because you have no idea why they left
I guess talking is easy but doing is difficult. You know why we girls so struggle about it? Because we really liked the guy, we spent quality time together. Its not that easy to move on and acts like nothing happened, like absolutely dont care that he disappeared. Its just nothing we can do then we just have to learn to let go.
All of my ghosting experiences have come from online dating. I got out of a 10 year relationship and then 18 months later I moved to a new city and didn’t know anyone. I’ve been on almost 60 if not more online dates and almost all of them have ghosted me in some form, mostly right after the first date... honestly it makes me never want to date again. Matthew, how do you deal with repeated ghosting? This feels like rejection on a whole new level. SMH.
Sorry I dont agree with you at all Mathew the people that do that are narcissist or sociopath , you can be a great or a terrible person but that is not the reason why they left, they left because they have a mental disorder independently that you were good or bad, when somebody do that doesen´t talk about the victim, but it talks a lot of the person that was able to do that.
Yes you are so right, we want closure we want answers but we may never get one, at least an honest one, I deleted his number and conversations, on my way to recovery. Thanks 🙏🏼 great advice simple n to the point
I built him up and he left me for someone else. And everyone felt bad for her. I thought wait what? She knew about me and didn't care. Me in turn, I didn't know about her. Later, he left her and came back to me and would call me everyday, and all of a sudden ghosted me with no explanation.
Got ghosted 2 days ago, after talking/meeting for a few weeks. It’s so cruel. Especially since it didn’t end with him being distant or anything. I would’ve understood if he became cold and started pulling away, but no. We were about to meet up for the third time, and then suddenly he’s gone. And I’m so frustrated because this leaves me with no answers, and I can’t stop thinking about what even happened.
I was with my (ex?) boyfriend for 6 years, the last 2 years were *very* difficult and we were constantly on and off but about 3 weeks ago he got into some trouble at work and was really down and depressed and just... disappeared. 6 years later and that’s how he deals with difficult situations, lol. I’m at that point were I have no emotions to the situation, like I’m numb.
Bear with me(my English)
Someone just ghosts me,it’s been a week.and I kept thinking why’s that,was something I did or I said.days goes by,I started to regret everything happened the last time I saw him.and then it hit me,he just don’t wanna reply my msg anymore,and there’s nothing I can do to go back in time and change what happened that day.so I’ll learn something from this,and find something else to focus on.i wasn’t even that into him,but when he ghost me,I just can’t stop wondering why,again,I need to except this now.i have to.
To anyone who is being ghosted right now, I can recommend reading Rudyard Kipling's poem 'If'. Find solace in the fact that, while ghosting may be a social norm, it remains the choice of the weak of character. If you've been ghosted by a man of intelligence and you'd like to take a verbal knee to their groin, then you might want to send a link to it (and it alone) to him. I never have but, oh, the temptation.
Matthew, if you liked someone, surely you have a little bit of time that you feel a bit sad about it? This video makes it sound as if you're just "thank you, next". Does it not take at least two days, half a day to get into the mindset. It would be great if you made a video about your experience of that time period. I've found that half a day of 'it's okay not to be okay' will reset you faster than anything else. That's just my experience though. It may be different for others.
We went from seeing each other every day ( I was partially living with him at that point) to 0. First I thought " ok he is going through a lot (he really was) and maybe you have been too overprotective (I think I was) and too enthusiastic, not really on his level... sooo give him some time to reply/ take action " but after 2.5 weeks of non-existing communication I figured that it must be more than depression or confusion. Ghosting feels like someone put a dirty spoon in your tea when you weren't looking and now everything is hazy, that you can't even see the spoon or drink the tea. What saddens me is he used to tell me that I can live with him because he knew I had a difficult living situation. I never accepted his offer but it always felt soothing at times of ungroundedness. Now, I moved out within these 2 weeks and he doesn't even know. It's hard not to remember the feeling of comfort and security his words gave me back then. It's also hard to pack when you know your stuff isn't entirely complete because part of it is still at his place. I told him that I would come by yesterday to pick up my stuff ..he didn't reply. I thought "what an immature coward". Before arriving at his place I quickly went through multiple scenarios of how this final interaction would go; I had no idea but I knew we were definitely over. Yet part of me really longed for some closure, any explanation was still better than what was about to happen. He opened the door, acted surprised and told me he is going to the gym, I asked "can it wait 10 min?" and he gave me the key instead and told me that I can slide the key underneath the door once I'm done. Than what? He left. It felt like a slap. I felt so disrespected and mad but I didn't hold him back.
I never really did any self-blaming, but If I'm honest with you than yes, I never stopped caring entirely. I really didn't want to admit that to anyone including myself because it felt like giving him undeserved power over me. I wanted to be all like " whatever I deserve way better so fuck him" but transitioning to that mindset can take time, and now I accepted that it's ok. Yesterday, was painful but now that I have all my stuff together at least it doesn't feel like an open ending anymore.
I've have been the ghost at least 4 times and I have been stood -up and ghosted. Yes, it hurts like hell to be on the receiving end of that behavior. I'm in the process of healing from the last person who ghosted on me. Now, I'd like to address my ghosting behavior. First, I didn't believe that my presence mattered that much. Essentially, I did not know that I had the ability to hurt someone's feelings that bad. Also, I learned in childhood, it's not nice to hurt people's feelings. I brought that lesson into my adult relationships which resulted in a very sweet fun person even if I was unhappy. Ghosting was never about the lack of courage, it was about trying to spare this person the truth. It has taken me many years to learn that people want to hear my truth--for better or worse. During my acts of ghosting , I honestly believed that I was committing an act of kindness by spearing that person from my unkind words, thoughts and opinions. The downside is that I literally have a reputation in my neighborhood for ghosting. That sucks. Now, I"m learning to be more honest... it ain't easy for me but based on your comments here, I will continue to speak from a place of honesty.
Matthew, you started out saying that we psychoanalyze this too much and then gave us a list of critical questions by which to analyze ourselves too much. I want to know how to stop asking those questions and lovingly leave myself alone.
Lol, “I ain’t afraid of no ghost.“
The only way to avoid being ghosted is to never initiate contact. If a man texts you then he's interested. If you haven't heard from him then he's not interested. Chasing is futile. Never text first and you'll never be ghosted. Simple.
I needed this. Got ghosted yesterday. When I read the last conversation, he blamed me for sending so less while he is answering so slow. Sure, it is almost exams for him so I leave him alone. Now he dont look at my fb messages but I see him online frequently. My last text was today in the morning. Im considering whether to text one last time to explain myself since I think, he thought I wasnt interested in him.... miscommunication..I want to set it straight. But im doubting .. :( it hurts. My first time
I don’t agree. Everything needs closure.
I won’t calm down until I talk to this piece of shit and make him confess why did he do that.
By ignoring we basically give them what they want, I.e. space and no responsibility for their actions.
Which encourages them to do the same to the next girl. I want to make it clear that acting like this is wrong and make him regret about it. I don’t really care about getting him back, though.
Honestly, I don’t even want to date anymore.
I have invested too much time and effort into a relationship and I still got ghosted.
It doesn’t make sense.
I don’t want to go through this one more time.
It was like two different people. One person cared about me and was eager to be with me, and another one just came, blocked me on social media, blocked my phone number and called it a day.
The thing is he ghosted me a day before another one of our dates was set. We were seeing each other for three weeks. This time, we decided for time and place, so I went there and waited for two fucking hours. I even bought a collar charm for his dog, because we were talking about his dog a day prior. I felt like an idiot. I felt humiliated.
This is happening to me now with a guy I've been talking to for a year. We both said we like each other and slept together then poof. He disappeared. I did my part to show I cared but it's clear he does not. Guess all he wanted from me was to get into my pants. Am I surprised? Not one bit. He just reminded me why I strongly dislike dating (I told him this the day we met too) and I'm not ever going back to it. I was gonna give it one more try with this guy but thanks to this, I am a confirmed bachelorette. I'm not too badly beaten up over it but it does leave a sting. I dated a guy before this one and he did the exact same thing. I was eventually able to stand up to my ex after he ghosted me for 2 years. I felt so amazing after that. So do not be afraid to stand up for yourself and call people out on their shitty behavior if your partner is indeed ghosting you. You'll feel much better and it will help you move on.
I'm a guy and i'm watching this. Been ghosted by someone that i truly clicked and love. No explanation, nothing. I know where exactly it went wrong and how i can learn and not doing the same mistake in the next person i date. Stop hoping the person come back, you must kill off the hope, stop fantasizing how awesome your future would be with that person. Someone out there wants to know you and talk to you, deliver you the love that you deserve.
If you don't love yourself right, you can never love someone else right.
When the ghoster tries to reconcile as a friend.. be friends for awhile and ghost them back for the same amount of time they ghosted you, see how they like it..... I am gonna do this back to a 'girlfriend' who ghosted me for 3 yrs. we met at age 15, and now are knowing each other over 40 yrs...... tit for tat..
..some like to dish it out but cannot take it back....
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Is it so wrong to ask someone who's ghosting you just to clarify that you're correct in the assumption that they aren't interested in seeing you again? Not asking for a why, but just requesting the clear cut off? I think this might at least help set a pattern for people to learn that it's not that hard and not that big of a deal to say 'we aren't the right fit but best of luck!' I would take that over ghosting any day.
Happened to me a few weeks ago. Met this guy, saw eachother for a couple of months- I really liked him, I even saw myself loving him. I just came out of a similar situation back in November-April which I told him about. We decided not to put a title on our relationship because I was moving back for school which is 5 hours away. We made plans to see eachother on my birthday, and a week before he completely disappeared. He didn't block me on anything, just never responded to my calls or texts, never looked at my snap/ig stories, I had sent two snaps to him a few days before it happened, also unopened. Luckily, I had the ability to make new plans for my birthday but it wasn't the same. I was and still am heartbroken. I just turned 21, and I know how young that is, but I am really starting to wonder if theres anyone out there for me. I thought it was him. I wonder what goes through the minds of people who have the ability to do this..To hurt someone so much emotionally. I hate cliched stereotype of being another girl with a broken heart but people and relationships like this do have a strong effect on future relationships and on my self esteem.
I have been ghosted after being with someone for almost a year. It seem like I had no closure and had to get answers. So after sending emails and I now realize it was a game to him , and he has moved on. I’m finally picking up the pieces and moving on myself , this just happen in July still new for me . Thanks for the advise makes tons of sense.
When someone ghosts another, it’s because they can’t own up to their emotions. They can’t come clean about what is wrong. Stop being a coward and have the difficult conversations you big babies! Ghosting someone is cruelty!
This just happened to me out of the blue after a 5 month relationship. It's the most painful thing I've been through. We didn't even have an argument, it's a very cruel and heartless way to end a relationship (yes, we were properly going out, and spend nearly every day together before this happened).
If you've been ghosted alot there is a high chance that its *your* fault. No body puts himself through the agony of telling someone why it does not work with a person who will probably go mental or has an exhausting or even toxic personalty. Seriously why would you want to put up with that shit if the person already annoyed you to death. When you have made the final decision that its not worth it: Its the nice persons way of saying "Fuck you".
I mean look at the women complaining about it here. Judging by the youtube profile I would say its spot on..
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