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50 The Funniest Drunk Texts!
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(GONE VIRAL!!!) I Pranked My Dad With SAM SMITH-I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE Lyrics:
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Dude why did I wake up and see 5 happy meals on my bed?
You don't remember?
After that party last night you skipped to McDonalds and pointed a straw at the cashier and demanded 5 Happy Meals with My little Pony toys in it
I’ve never been drunk, nor high... However, I was so tired one day, I yelled to my friends, “Find me a portal, I’m going to Narnia!” My friends all looked at me like I was drunk... Well, at least I’m sober, but when tired I’m like not... I guess?!?!
I need to stop reading the comments my stomach hurts from laughing too much
Dude you were soooo drunk last night...
No I wasn't...
You went up to a family walking their cat held up the cat and sang that song from the lion King (naaaaaaaaa suvenia manuvisi mama)
Once me and my friends were waliking around at night drunk and we saw a little Asian girl that had the same hair as dorra and her mom was with her and my friend walked up to them and said “DORRA JUST FUCKING KILL BOOTS!!” And the little girl started to cry and the mom slapped my friend we laughed so hard.
Here is mine
Me: I was not that drunk
Friend: we were at Disneyland
Friend: you sang “I’m a Barbie Girl!”
Me: not that bad
Friend: then you went into the Star Wars section
Friend: at 2 58am
Friend: and sang frozen
i had a guy living with me and he got drunk and was fighting the air thinking it was a person. it was pretty funny. he also was army crawling on the ground from the kitchen trying to gt to the living room to lay down on the couch. i thought he was coming after us so i took the baby and moved
So I wasn’t drunk but a had a really bad sugar rush at school saying “I nEeD mOrE cAnDiEs”and then said “I wIlL dIe WiThOuT mY cAnDy”then slapped every boy I saw saying”GiVe Me AlL yOuR cAnDy!!!”so then I got expelled...:|😂😂😂😂
One night I got wasted with as couple mates. I remember I said multiple times “I’m the most sober cunt here!” Even though I was as drunk as my mates. At one point I said I was hungry so the mate who’s house we were at got me some biscuits (crackers). I sat on the gutter (curb) and took one bite then I lost the next hour and a half (which only felt like 25 minutes) and was told that during that time I said I wasn’t hungry anymore and threw the entire box of biscuits onto the street. And 20 minutes later looked at the bitten biscuit in my hand and said “Hey a biscuit” before taking a bite! 😂😂😂😂😂😂
Somerandomassperson: Who are you?
Friend: (Name), and you were so fucking stupid last night
Randomassperson: How Can you tell that for sure?
Friend:...you told your reflection in the mirror to stop copying you and started scream-singing the song copy cat and broke the mirror.
Randomassperson: I stand corrected, that poor mirror...
System: *Mirror Has Left The Chat*
Friend: Drink Some Water...
The real convo was this
White Text: Come on dude.. I wasn’t that drunk.
Blue Text: You went up to a semi truck and whispered “ I know your secret... Optimus Prime”
White Text: You know his secret too....?
Blue Text: You’re an idiot
Ok don't tell anyone but I'm 13 and I went to Ohio with my family and they brought some beer and alcohol so I tried one and it was GOOD so I drank one whole bottle and 2/3 of another bottle and I went outside and saw a squirrel and said SANDY GET BACK HERE
One time, My best friend was so drunk, that she insisted we go to IKEA and when we got there, she hid in a cupboard. Whenever someone walked past, she would jump out yelling, "I JUST CAME BACK FROM NARNIA" while we laughed our butts off. 🤣🖤🖤
How drunk was I
U put ur phone on airplane mode and said"where's my private jet I wanna go to space"
And after u figured out u couldn't get a private jet u tried to tape boxes on ur back thinking they were jet packs
Might explain y I am in the hospital
Bartender turned a little green snake loose on the bar, a drunk said, somebody in heres drunk but its not me, bartender asked, what makes you think its not you?
The drunk said, this snakes green. The bartender said, so?
The drunk said, my snake is pink
So it couldnt me me whos drunk.
On my brothers 18th birthday they went to a bar and my mom made the bartender as my brother for id because the bartender was my brother friend and already new how old he was and later that night they picked me up my brother was so drunk that he didn't even realize I was in the car till we were almost home then he yelled hi Jess
"Your drunk last night.."
"Whats wrong with that then?"
"You point your Finger Gun in front of Police Car and said"BANG BANG YOUR DEAD JACK"."
"Who the f*ck is Jack?"
"The Police Officer question you that and you said "ITS MY BOYFRIEND"."
"I ain't gay MotherF*cker"
"Well you said it.."
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